In high school, I was not in a safe learning environment to express myself. I attended a small private school which held doctrine that was decidedly not accepting of the LGTBTQIA+ community in spite of their inability to say so directly. During my four years there, I found out that I wasn’t straight and was truly devastated at first. It took me years to find friends who I was comfortable enough with that I trusted them enough to share this secret. Thankfully, none of them betrayed my trust as it would have had devastating effects on my life at that point in time. I know that part of the reason was because many of them were in the closet themselves. At 18, I made it clear that I would be attending a public community college after graduation. My grades were not fantastic and I knew I wouldn’t thrive in a university right out of high school. I also wanted to avoid going to a university of the same denomination where heavy restrictions would still be imposed on my personal life. I’m of the opinion that this choice saved my life.
I took a quarter off to work and acquire more funds for school before following my two best friends (one of which was also my current partner) to the college they were already attending. At first, I spent a lot of time alone as the whole experience was overwhelming. There were pride flags, diversity events, and a student body nearly 85 times bigger than I was used to. Part of me regrets not doing more in that first quarter when I had the free time between taking only 10 credits and not having a job, but I know I did my best. In time, however, my two afore mentioned loved ones introduced me to the campus writing center where they were both employed. I would tag along to drop them off and pick them up, but stayed at a distance. Despite my efforts, the two began to eagerly encourage me to apply to join the team for the next quarter. I figured that they just wanted me to be there to hang out during their shifts and were not thinking of how inadequate I was for the job. I wrote well enough, but had never tutored anyone in my life, and didn’t think I could ever do so in a college setting. I figured I would humor them and put in an application. Soon enough the hiring team would turn me down and the whole thing would be dropped. Fortunately, I was wrong and got the pleasure of working at that center for two years. My director was the first openly transgender authority figure I had ever had in my life. Of course, I believed that it should be the norm, but I was still rather surprised. My partner and I inadvertently became the “center couple” even though we completely avoided PDA at work in order to maintain a professional work environment. I quickly befriended someone who is nonbinary and taught me to what extent the binary could and should be disregarded. That writing center was not only a necessary place of employment for me, but it soon became a safe haven that I never had prior to college. Of course, time passed and I had to move on to a new school upon earning my associate’s degree. For the first time, I dreaded moving forward. As I considered where to go next, I studied extensively for a place where I could feel safe and express myself in the ways I had learned to in the past two years. The more I learned of the culture at SU, the more assured I was that this would be a good fit. It is not perfect—nothing is—but I have not once had to hide myself from anyone since attending here. On top of that, I’m lucky enough to be going to school with my partner again and to be part of another very welcoming writing center. If I had not put my foot down for once at the young age of 18, my life would have taken a completely different course and likely not for the better. -Bek
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By James Gamboa Over the Summer, I created a quarantine book list that would help distract me from the challenging and unusual circumstances that we have been living. Given my busy schedule, it took me until the end of the summer to finally get started reading some of the books. Of course, I somehow managed to procrastinate on something that I actually enjoyed doing. At the top of my book list was a novel entitled On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Voung. Voung is a Vietnamese American poet, novelist and professor at the University of Massachusetts Amherst. He is most famous for his critically acclaimed poetry collection, Night Sky with Exit Wounds. My supervisor, Hidy, recommended this book to me during a one on one Zoom meeting for my English 3090 class last quarter. As soon as I got off the call, I immediately ordered the book. I didn’t bother reading the synopsis, so I pretty much read the novel not knowing what to expect. By golly did the novel surprise me. The novel’s narrative is non-linear, creating vignettes of the past and the present. It is also in the form of a letter that is written by the main character, Little Dog. In the letter, Little Dog addresses his illiterate mother, Fong (translated to Rose), recounting his experiences of being an immigrant growing up in Hartford, Connecticut in the 1980s. He recalls his experiences growing up without a father figure and being left to take care of his abusive mother and dying grandmother, Lan. Working at his mother’s nail salon, Little Dog practices speaking English as his mother’s translator. His education becomes limited to the conversations he has with his mother’s clients. The more he understood the language, the more he understood the language of a racism. The letter then jumps to Little Dog’s adolescent years, telling the story of the time he worked on a tobacco farm. There he meets and begins a romantic relationship with a boy named Trevor. Little Dog’s relationship with Trevor becomes the catalyst for his journey of self-discovery. The rest of Little Dog’s letter explores his new understanding of not only his identity as a Vietnamese American immigrant, but also a gay Asian man. The poetic nature of the novel creates a more raw and nuanced portrayal of the experiences of an immigrant living in the United States. The deviation from the “traditional” English writing also helps establish the idea that the story found in Little Dog’s letter is not the usual American story. Rather, it is more challenging, heartbreaking, and quite frankly, frustrating. There is then this powerful sense of humanity in Voung’s novel, echoing the real traumas of people who are not accepted by society. Little Dog’s character becomes the embodiment of the many silenced voices in our world today such as those in the LGBTQ+ community and those who identify as a person of color. Ocean Voung recognizes the intersectionality of the identities seen in Little Dog (mostly because he is Little Dog). He presents us with the many challenges of what people like Little Dog have to go through on a daily basis—even to this day! There is this hope that whoever picks up the book will better understand the stories of those who have been marginalized within our own society. It is then up to us to listen to those stories. As soon as I finished reading the first few pages of the novel, I immediately fell in love with Ocean Voung’s writing. He recently hinted at a second novel that he’s working on called God, On Purpose. The release date is yet to be announced. I already can’t wait to pre-order the book! As an Asian American, I am inspired by Ocean Voung’s work. He has certainly shifted the paradigm in American literature, opening up many opportunities for writers of different races and cultures to pursue their passion in writing. I highly recommend reading this book and to continue to pursue reading the works of writers who represent the underrepresented. I will leave you with one of my favorite quotes from the novel. This quote can be found towards the end of the novel when Little Dog admits to his mother that he suffers from bi-polar disorder. Little Dog expresses his concern of adding the issues of his mental health on top of his identity as a gay, immigrant, non-English speaking man. I personally love this quote, as it meddles with the intersectionality of certain issues with various identities. There is no hiding the very human nature of having to juggle the uncertainties that come with self-discovery. Ocean Voung certainly does not hesitate to capture the emotional turmoil of having to find answers about one’s identity without the support of others. The reality that Voung portrays is a reality that exists for many but is not one that is often acknowledged. This quote really encapsulates the humanity of Voung’s novel: “The truth is we can survive our lives, but not our skin. But you know this already.” For the sake of transparency, I want everyone to know that I’m writing this prior to National Coming Out Day (which is on Sunday, October 11). This will inevitably be posted shortly after National Coming Out Day, so I will be writing about it mostly in the past tense.
For those who don’t know, National Coming Out Day originated in 1988 to encourage people to be open and proud of their sexualities and gender identities. The rationale behind this was that having numerous LGBTQIA+ people come out in theory would make their loved ones realize that people they have loved all this time are part of a marginalized groups and give them a greater incentive to be supportive of their lives and rights. With that said, it must be acknowledged that even today, many people cannot come out to the people around them without compromising their safety. I would be as bold to suggest that this year has been especially difficult for many people as we are in the midst of a global pandemic. I would imagine that many have actually had to “return to the closet”, so to speak. Some of our peers may have enjoyed a certain amount of freedom expressing themselves on campus, but had to return to live with family where they cannot be out. What did Sunday really mean then? Was it simply a day of celebration for some, but for others a day of mourning for what could have been? There is also the consideration of the fact that one never comes out just once. Throughout life, we come out to the new people we meet if we choose to and that stacks up after a few decades. One may also come out to some loved ones and never to the others. This perhaps suggests that National Coming Out Day could have many meanings as “coming out” certainly does. It could be a goal, a dream, a process, or a reminder of an achievement. Whatever Sunday meant to you, I want to remind those who are “in the closet” for whatever reason that both you and your identity/identities are valid and that you are loved more than you may know. Personally, I know that it can take time to safely be or even become who you truly are. There is no expiration date and it will never be too late, but if you have the option to safely leave behind people who don’t respect and accept you, I would consider taking it. If not, be gentle to yourself and do what you can to discretely celebrate who you are. This can be in the colors you wear, the music you listen to, or the books you read for your “homework”. Even if you are in a space where you can come out, you may not want to and that is also valid, as coming out is your choice and yours alone. Anyone who violates your trust and outs you without permission, no matter their intentions, is no friend of yours. Lastly, though not everyone views the day the same way, those who do choose to come out on October 11 deserve support as well, as it is no small task, especially if they chose to do it this year. This is just another special day in which the community must take care of each other and try to make a better future for all. If you or someone you love need help during this time, I’m going to provide a few resources below for you to contact and, as always, I wish you all the best. - Bek TrevorLifeline: 1-866-488-7386 Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860 OMA Resources for Trans Students: https://www.seattleu.edu/oma/student-success-resources/resources-for-trans-students/community-resources/ List of Puget Sound Regional LGBTQ Resources: https://guides.lib.uw.edu/uwbcc-lgbtq-resources/puget-sound-regional-resources By: Sabrina Klindworth
For one of my classes during Spring Quarter, I had to listen to an episode of Ezra Klein’s podcast, The Ezra Klein Show, called “The loneliness epidemic”. During this podcast episode, Klein discusses loneliness with Dr. Vivek Murphy, the former Surgeon General under Obama, about his experiences with loneliness both personal and professional as well as what we can do about it. I was really struck listening to this podcast as it put words on a feeling I’ve felt ever since starting college. Loneliness is something that a lot of people face everyday but isn’t something that people generally talk about. However loneliness has come into more of a spotlight during the COVID-19 pandemic due to people isolating at home and not interacting with those outside of their households like they normally would. Some people even feel less lonely right now due to everyone talking about how lonely they are, ironically us all being lonely can actually make us feel less alone. So where exactly does loneliness come from? Loneliness is a feeling that can arise from the lack of deep connections with others. Anyone can feel lonely, whether as a temporary emotion or a more permanent one. When I started going to college in a new state away from my family, I felt lonely since I didn’t know anyone and I was struggling to make friends. It wasn’t until I was able to build deeper connections with some of my friends that I began to stop feeling lonely at school. However, a lack of deep connections isn’t the only cause of loneliness, you can also feel lonely from lack of contact with others. On a daily basis we interact with a ton of people without thinking about it; we nod and smile when we pass others on the street and interact with any sales clerks at a store. These little daily interactions begin to take a toll when we are staying inside all day and not able to see anyone else. So here are some tips, based on the podcast and my own experience, on how to deal with loneliness, both in and out of self-isolation. Tip 1: Start prioritizing social interactions If you’re busy all the time like me, it can be hard to find the time to socialize with others. For example, choosing to do homework on the weekends may help you get good grades but it can also lead to feelings of loneliness or being left out if you see friends posting pictures of them together. It takes time to find the right balance between the two, but once you find it you can have the best of both worlds. If state regulations allow and you feel comfortable, you can make plans with friends to grab coffee and catch up or go on a socially distant walk together. Just don’t forget to wear your mask! This gives you time to socialize with others without taking time away from studying. For a longer break, you could make dinner with friends, watch a movie, or plan a game night, all of which can be done through Zoom. Puzzles, board games, or video game nights are also fun ways to connect with others! These are even things you and your friends can plan to do once a week so that even when your week is super busy, you know that you have a designated relaxation time with friends. If you are lucky enough to be isolating with roommates or family, taking the time to do one of these activities together can help bring you closer together. A fun twist is to eat dinner all together if you usually don’t or work together to make a new recipe none of you have tried before. Either way, making the time to see someone other than yourself for a little bit will give you the social connection we need as humans to curb our loneliness. Tip 2: Technology can help, until it doesn’t There is no better time than now to call, text, and video chat our friends and loved ones. There are a ton of resources to utilize online such as Zoom, Houseparty, Netflix Party, Discord, and more allowing you to talk, text, screen your share, and keep connected with the people we care about. These different forums can allow you to host a digital movie night or game night or can be used to have a cooking night, where you and a friend both make the same recipe together over Facetime. You could also use these services to catch up with what friends have been doing in isolation, sharing ideas, tips or baking recipes. However, despite all the good that tech can do, it can actually start to hurt our relationships with others if you never have in person contact. I know being stuck in my apartment for classes this Fall Quarter has been super tough since I don’t have a roommate and spend hours alone. Calling home once a week, Facetiming my best friend back home, and seeing my partner have been some of the best ways I’ve been getting human connection the past couple weeks. However staying inside all the time with no physical human interaction can lead to feelings of loneliness and isolation. I miss walking across campus and seeing different people going to their classes too, it may not be the same but the grocery store gives me a little bit of that feeling back. Seeing other people living their lives, makes us feel less alone in our own lives. So take a walk, get out of your space, and reach out to someone to chat about life, it helps! Tip 3: Help others! This can be through different volunteer experiences or through anyone you know. Helping people was noted as the best cure for loneliness in Klein’s podcast since it helps you build deeper relationships with others. It also helps take the focus off of you, since loneliness makes you focus more on yourself. Loneliness can also make you feel worthless but helping people helps give you a purpose which can help make you feel like you matter (which you do!). It may be hard to go out and volunteer while staying home but there are still plenty of ways to help out others. You could offer to get groceries for those in your community that are unable to or ask your family/roommates what you can do to make their lives a little easier. You can also help contact people about going to vote or help text voters as outreach for different props and candidates in your area. If you do choose to help others outside of your household, whether in your neighborhood or at a food bank, please follow social distancing guidelines and wear a mask to protect yourself and those around you. Humans are social creatures by nature and although we all like to think we can be independent, the truth is we need to talk to other people. If you are feeling lonely, you should always reach out to someone you trust and talk about it with them. If you don’t have someone you can trust, please reach out to the National Institute of Mental Health. A crisis hotline can be reached by texting “HELLO” to 741741 and you can call 1-800-985-5990 or text “TalkWithUs” to 66746 to reach the distress hotline. If you feel crushing loneliness know that there is always an upside after the down, a light at the end of the tunnel. Darkness doesn’t last so if you feel like you don’t have any close relationships, you take the time to build them; there is no limit on friends. So let’s reach out to others and help fight loneliness together. If you want to listen to the podcast for yourself, it’s available on Spotify or at the link here. As hinted in last week’s post, this time around I’m going to unpack some common misconceptions about being bisexual and nonbinary. Most of the personal inquiries I have received have been extremely polite and in good faith. With that said, the society that we live in has perpetuated some harmful and long-lasting ideas that we must continue to dismantle and that is my intention in writing today. 1. Being bisexual is transphobic because it is inherently exclusionary against trans and nonbinary people. Given the title, one could probably guess why this is the first one I’m taking on. With other similar sexualities such as pansexuality and omnisexuality, it’s easy to assume that the “bi” in bisexuality reinforces the gender binary that is prevalent in society today. However, as stated in the Bisexual Manifesto from 1990, it means that someone is attracted to two or more genders. The “or more” definitely doesn’t lend support to the accusation. While bisexuality doesn’t mean that a person is genderblind as one could favor a gender or genders over others, it is definitely possible and completely valid for a bisexual person to be attracted to all genders (as I can attest to). 2. Being nonbinary means you are completely androgynous. This is an idea that I regrettably held myself for a number of years and that I could have saved myself a lot of trouble without. I am definitely a more masculine presenting individual, but do not identify as a man. I don’t mind being referred to as she/her, but do not like being called a woman or “one of the girls”. With that said, I did not think how I felt was valid as I didn’t want to be referred to solely as they/them. We are so much more than our pronouns or presentation, which can vary greatly. There is not one, correct way to be nonbinary. 3. Being bisexual and nonbinary are “stepping stones”. I have experienced bisexual firsthand. For years, people perceived and described me as a “butch lesbian” based on how I presented myself and who I dated without listening to how I identified myself. In spite of their assumptions being inaccurate, I generally didn’t correct them all that often as it seemed to be more work than it was worth. In the meantime, everyone assumed that I was just in denial about my “true” identity. It wasn’t until I realized that I was nonbinary that I really realized that magnitude of these similar assumptions. Upon coming out to some people who I was close to as nonbinary, I realized I was having to explain and justify my own identity all the time. Sometimes, it was really disappointing and I got frustrated, but through answering some difficult questions, I made who I was very clear. This meant addressing both of the previous misconceptions addressed above as well as asserting that while others had questions about me, I no longer had questions about myself. Me coming out to them wasn’t a cry for help to figure out who I was, it was me telling them. There is definitely a plethora of other misconceptions about my identity that I could address, but these are the three core ones that having an understanding of have helped me live a happier life. I hope that in reading this you may either better understand yourself or others in your life so that we can continue to grow and heal together. -Bek Resources and Further Reading: "The Bisexual Manifesto." Anything That Moves, 1990, binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/01/1990-bi- manifesto.html. Sarah Mahl As I write this, protesters are marching across the country to fight for the justice George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, and so many others have been denied. Our country is in extremely dire times, and it can be hard to turn off the news or put our phones down. As a white person, I have the privilege of being able to turn off the news and to take care of my mental health while Black, brown, and Indigenous people across the country do not have that same luxury. Self-care, however, is still a crucial for everyone, and taking a break may not necessarily mean ignoring current events. I am introducing this post in this way to offer this as something to consider when we are dealing with such important events. Self-care may not be available to everyone right now, but because our future as a country seems extremely uncertain, feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, anxiety, and more may be coming up. To be informed citizens, it’s important that we stay up to date with current events, but we also have a responsibility to ourselves to take care of our physical and mental wellbeing. Making space for those feelings and setting aside time for ourselves—whether that’s time alone or another method of self-care—are crucial to taking care of ourselves. Before the lockdown started, I was trying to make more of an effort to set aside alone time that would just be for relaxing. I would put all of my class materials away--including deliberately setting them aside in my mind so that I could take a mental break--and spend my time doing something I enjoy. This is even more difficult now that my bedroom has turned into my classroom, my workspace, and my homework space while I am also trying to stay up to date with the protests, but this makes it even more crucial. Not only does it help to create a physical space for relaxing, but it also helps to create a mental space that I can turn to in a time of need. It helps to give myself the permission to turn my brain off from school or work and to take time for myself. Of course, this is easier said than done, but in a society where self-care is not prioritized very highly, it’s extremely important to my mental wellbeing. It may seem a bit obvious that we need to spend time by ourselves and that we need to spend time taking care of ourselves, but sometimes it can help to be deliberate about those efforts and to make it more purposeful. In my own experience, I’ve always called myself an introvert, so I really value the time I can spend alone. It’s when I feel the most creative and in touch with myself, and it’s also when I feel the most at peace. At school, it was difficult to make time to spend alone, but I didn’t really mind it because I had friends I could see when I wasn’t in class or at work. Now that I’m home with my family, though, I’ve realized just how important it is to spend time by myself. Plus, even though we are required to stay home and avoid contact with people outside of those we are living with, spending time alone has turned into a reprieve from any stress I may be feeling, whether that’s from school or my family. It’s also turned into time to process current events, and it can be time to grieve as well. |
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January 2024
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