“What a year.” “We are living in truly unprecedented times.” “2020 strikes again.” We have heard it all. In March of this year, life as we knew it came to a screeching halt and numerous accommodations have had to be made on everyone’s part. While many people insist on complying with guidelines to try to return to the norm, any semblance of “normal” has been out of grasp for months. Fighting a global pandemic, for racial equality, and more recently wildfires have required a good deal of moving and shaking, and yet many of us have also been more still than we have been in perhaps our entire lives. In this stillness, we are left with our true selves and not the mundane demands of everyday and what we find remaining can be shocking to say the least. As someone who has known that they were bisexual since childhood, I wasn’t expecting to learn more about my identity during quarantine. Why would I? Everything in my life was figured out already. All I had to do was wait this thing out and try to keep moving forward with my degree so I could start my job. If that required staying home while doing so, so be it. What I didn’t take into account was how much more sleep I would be getting and time to myself I would have. There was peace and quiet where there had been so much noise a short time before. I hated almost every second of it for the first two months. Of course, I was privileged to have the option of being home with family, safety, and technology, but I was so unhappy with myself. The straw that broke the camel’s back was when my partner, Soren, made a playful remark about my gender identity in relation to his. It is also worth mentioning that he had come out as trans shortly before this. All he said was that the two of us would ironically be perceived as a “cis-het” couple. I lashed out against the joke, claiming that I wasn’t a woman for the first time in my life and asking not to be called one. He was understandably surprised, but very kind and asked a few questions about who I was really that I hadn’t bothered to ask myself before. Though a wave of relief swept over me while I talked to him, another part of me was still furious at myself for my lack of self-awareness. Of course, I had nothing but unyielding respect and support for anyone who was trans or nonbinary, but why didn’t I understand my own gender identity and dysphoria prior to March? As it turns out, I was not the only one who had this experience. Since gradually coming out to friends, I have not only had their unwavering support, but also many questions about my experiences and people coming out to me. While I do kindly correct common misconceptions about being both bisexual and nonbinary (which is a future post in of itself), I was shocked by how many people close to me had learned about their own sexualities and gender identities during these “unprecedented times”. Soren, and I are continuously reached out to fairly often these days, putting us in a place of being like queer godparents of sorts. He has said of our situation that, “I have been given that special opportunity to help others explore their gender expression since coming out. You will also be very surprised by who turns out to be an ally.” I couldn’t agree with him more. Now that I am well-aware that many are in the same boat as me, I want to ensure that appropriate resources are provided for everyone so we can get through this together. Though there will be more personal stories, I aim to share more information on different identities, interpretations of the world around us, and queer authors as a weekly blog. May it be a healing journey for us all. -Bek
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January 2024
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