In high school, I was not in a safe learning environment to express myself. I attended a small private school which held doctrine that was decidedly not accepting of the LGTBTQIA+ community in spite of their inability to say so directly. During my four years there, I found out that I wasn’t straight and was truly devastated at first. It took me years to find friends who I was comfortable enough with that I trusted them enough to share this secret. Thankfully, none of them betrayed my trust as it would have had devastating effects on my life at that point in time. I know that part of the reason was because many of them were in the closet themselves. At 18, I made it clear that I would be attending a public community college after graduation. My grades were not fantastic and I knew I wouldn’t thrive in a university right out of high school. I also wanted to avoid going to a university of the same denomination where heavy restrictions would still be imposed on my personal life. I’m of the opinion that this choice saved my life.
I took a quarter off to work and acquire more funds for school before following my two best friends (one of which was also my current partner) to the college they were already attending. At first, I spent a lot of time alone as the whole experience was overwhelming. There were pride flags, diversity events, and a student body nearly 85 times bigger than I was used to. Part of me regrets not doing more in that first quarter when I had the free time between taking only 10 credits and not having a job, but I know I did my best. In time, however, my two afore mentioned loved ones introduced me to the campus writing center where they were both employed. I would tag along to drop them off and pick them up, but stayed at a distance. Despite my efforts, the two began to eagerly encourage me to apply to join the team for the next quarter. I figured that they just wanted me to be there to hang out during their shifts and were not thinking of how inadequate I was for the job. I wrote well enough, but had never tutored anyone in my life, and didn’t think I could ever do so in a college setting. I figured I would humor them and put in an application. Soon enough the hiring team would turn me down and the whole thing would be dropped. Fortunately, I was wrong and got the pleasure of working at that center for two years. My director was the first openly transgender authority figure I had ever had in my life. Of course, I believed that it should be the norm, but I was still rather surprised. My partner and I inadvertently became the “center couple” even though we completely avoided PDA at work in order to maintain a professional work environment. I quickly befriended someone who is nonbinary and taught me to what extent the binary could and should be disregarded. That writing center was not only a necessary place of employment for me, but it soon became a safe haven that I never had prior to college. Of course, time passed and I had to move on to a new school upon earning my associate’s degree. For the first time, I dreaded moving forward. As I considered where to go next, I studied extensively for a place where I could feel safe and express myself in the ways I had learned to in the past two years. The more I learned of the culture at SU, the more assured I was that this would be a good fit. It is not perfect—nothing is—but I have not once had to hide myself from anyone since attending here. On top of that, I’m lucky enough to be going to school with my partner again and to be part of another very welcoming writing center. If I had not put my foot down for once at the young age of 18, my life would have taken a completely different course and likely not for the better. -Bek
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January 2024
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