The winter season in Seattle is dark. And I mean this in both a figurative and literal sense. The sun is barely out during the day. I would always be in the most teen angsty mood. You could even say my days were becoming more and more like scenes from 80s coming of age films. My daily routine would consist of me dragging myself out of bed, making a mediocre cup of coffee, turning on my computer, and looking outside my window and into the mustard yellow wall of the other apartment building. I slowly found myself dreading the work that I loved to do.
My workload consisted of readings from various texts, which meant I was bound to have a lot of writing assignments to go with those readings. The reading part was easy. The writing part…not so much. The writing assignments from this quarter have been extremely time sensitive, so I always found myself under a lot of pressure to get them done in a timely manner while also ensuring that the quality of my writing was at its best. For me, writing a thoughtful paper, regardless of its length, usually takes about a week, which is about the amount of time I was given to write an assignment in prior quarters, especially pre-pandemic. Usually when students are given a shorter time frame to finish an assignment, they are usually more motivated to get the assignment done faster. However, this was not the case for me. Even for a three-page reflection paper, it would take me an hour just to finish one paragraph. I would take up until three hours prior to the deadline to finish the actual assignment. Needless to say, I became the epitome of procrastination. There were many culprits to this new level of procrastination, which all involved various activities that were meant to distract. These included scrolling though Tik Tok, rearranging my furniture, and reading memes on Reddit. Little did I know, these activities were not distractions from my work. Rather, they were distractions from my own reality. These distractions ultimately fed my brain the biggest lie it can tell my entire body: “everything is okay”. Of course, everything was not okay. The world around me was still falling apart. Society was still hanging by a thread with the rise of political and social tensions. And I was still in denial that the nightmares of the pandemic continue to leach onto our lives. So, what got me out of this head space? Let’s just say, I had a “it’s the little things in life” philosophical moment. What I mean by that is, I started to engage in practices that are simple but complicated at the same time. Pre-pandemic James would consider these practices as the bare minimum. Pandemic James would consider these as god-like abilities. I will leave you with these practices and hope that you may find them useful:
Lastly, I want to reassure you all that it is okay to be more attentive to your own needs before others. I understand that what I have shared thus far can seem selfish. However, if there is one thing that I hope you all take away from this post, it is that there is nothing selfish about needing more space to collect your thoughts and reevaluate your priorities. It is more than okay to prioritize your own wellbeing. You may not know exactly what you need in order to stay as physically, mentally, and emotionally stable as possible, but know that it will take time to fully understand yourself and what you need to stay healthy. It has been a year since this pandemic began, and there is nothing wrong with reestablishing and altering the boundaries you set for yourself. If anything, I am always here to support you every step of the way! Happy Writing and take care! -James
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January 2024
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