As hinted in last week’s post, this time around I’m going to unpack some common misconceptions about being bisexual and nonbinary. Most of the personal inquiries I have received have been extremely polite and in good faith. With that said, the society that we live in has perpetuated some harmful and long-lasting ideas that we must continue to dismantle and that is my intention in writing today. 1. Being bisexual is transphobic because it is inherently exclusionary against trans and nonbinary people. Given the title, one could probably guess why this is the first one I’m taking on. With other similar sexualities such as pansexuality and omnisexuality, it’s easy to assume that the “bi” in bisexuality reinforces the gender binary that is prevalent in society today. However, as stated in the Bisexual Manifesto from 1990, it means that someone is attracted to two or more genders. The “or more” definitely doesn’t lend support to the accusation. While bisexuality doesn’t mean that a person is genderblind as one could favor a gender or genders over others, it is definitely possible and completely valid for a bisexual person to be attracted to all genders (as I can attest to). 2. Being nonbinary means you are completely androgynous. This is an idea that I regrettably held myself for a number of years and that I could have saved myself a lot of trouble without. I am definitely a more masculine presenting individual, but do not identify as a man. I don’t mind being referred to as she/her, but do not like being called a woman or “one of the girls”. With that said, I did not think how I felt was valid as I didn’t want to be referred to solely as they/them. We are so much more than our pronouns or presentation, which can vary greatly. There is not one, correct way to be nonbinary. 3. Being bisexual and nonbinary are “stepping stones”. I have experienced bisexual firsthand. For years, people perceived and described me as a “butch lesbian” based on how I presented myself and who I dated without listening to how I identified myself. In spite of their assumptions being inaccurate, I generally didn’t correct them all that often as it seemed to be more work than it was worth. In the meantime, everyone assumed that I was just in denial about my “true” identity. It wasn’t until I realized that I was nonbinary that I really realized that magnitude of these similar assumptions. Upon coming out to some people who I was close to as nonbinary, I realized I was having to explain and justify my own identity all the time. Sometimes, it was really disappointing and I got frustrated, but through answering some difficult questions, I made who I was very clear. This meant addressing both of the previous misconceptions addressed above as well as asserting that while others had questions about me, I no longer had questions about myself. Me coming out to them wasn’t a cry for help to figure out who I was, it was me telling them. There is definitely a plethora of other misconceptions about my identity that I could address, but these are the three core ones that having an understanding of have helped me live a happier life. I hope that in reading this you may either better understand yourself or others in your life so that we can continue to grow and heal together. -Bek Resources and Further Reading: "The Bisexual Manifesto." Anything That Moves, 1990, binetusa.blogspot.com/2014/01/1990-bi- manifesto.html.
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January 2024
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