Last week, I had the rare opportunity to go out to dinner in Seattle with a few close friends. Fortunately, we have all been fully vaccinated and went out in public with ease. As we seated ourselves in the restaurant, one of my friends pointed out that we have not been out in public together since the state-wide lockdown, which was approximately one year ago. After my friend had mention this, we spent the entire dinner reflecting about what life was like before the pandemic and how much we have changed in a span of a year. Now that the end of the pandemic seems to be in the horizon thanks to vaccine rollouts, talking about the return to “normalcy” has been slightly easier. While this topic of conversation has been the go-to talking point in many conversations today, something about the conversation I had with my friends exhibited a certain anticipation that I had not felt since the first two weeks of the pandemic—when I thought that we would be back to “normal” sooner.
I want to take this time and reflect on some of the things my friends and I talked about during our first outing together. I want to acknowledge that my sentiments about certain aspects of “normalcy” may not be the same as yours. I simply want to share my own perspective and how I feel about nearing the end of the pandemic. I also want to acknowledge that the pandemic is a collective trauma. We all have undergone challenging situations that were brought about by the pandemic. While our challenges may not be the same, know that you are not alone in this. In-Person Classes If there is one thing I am most anxious about, it is the in-person format of our classes. Throughout my virtual learning experience, I certainly took advantage of the option to turn off my camera and remain muted throughout a lecture. This gave me the opportunity to take frequent breaks and catch up on other assignments that I might not have completed at the time. This was done all while listening to the professor teach new content. I know that one of the biggest challenges that I will have to face when we are back in-person is doing more prep-work. This was something I used to do prior to class last year. I would consider it as one of my main daily routines. Prep-work often consisted of reading up to two days-worth of class material to stay ahead of schedule, finishing work that would be done in class the night before the class meets, and studying for future quizzes and exams days prior. With everything being converted online, it I have found myself falling into the trap of procrastination at a much higher degree. The bottom line is, I need to remember how to hold myself accountable for my class work. Additionally, in-person classes entail more collaboration with fellow classmates. Collaboration has been one of the most difficult aspects of virtual learning, as many students tend to keep their cameras and microphones off for the entire class, including breakout room activities. The idle nature of each Zoom square has given me so much anxiety throughout this past year. I’m always uncertain on whether or not I should unmute myself when a professor asks a question or wait for another student to answer. The latter is always a rough process, as it usually takes a whole minute (sometime two) for another student to jump right in. The awkward silence has been something I dread since we started virtual learning. However, I’ve grown to appreciate the silence, as it has given me space to think. It also serves as a reminder for me that we are all going through the same circumstances. We are all struggling in one way or another. When we’re back in-person, the process of getting into a group and working with group members under the supervision of a professor is something I will have to get used to again. In other words, I have to be a bit more productive rather than passively sitting in silence. Otherwise, I will have to figure out a way to express intentionality in my silence. Taking Quizzes and Exam In my virtual learning experience, I was rarely assigned quizzes, exams, or major projects that were not open notes. Most, if not all, of my professors since Spring quarter of 2020 gave students the ability to have access to their notes and class material during midterm and finals week. Because of this, I am not well-equipped with the necessary test-taking skills that I would have gained/developed during in-person learning. Upon reflection, I have only had one exam that required me to memorize class material—that was Winter quarter of my first year. Granted, my major often entails more essays and presentations rather than short answer/multiple choice exams and quizzes. Nevertheless, I am aware that most of the papers that I have written this past year were traditionally done in class without access to notes or class material. When we return to in-person learning, test-taking is definitely something I want to work on. The bottom line is, I want to learn how to study again. Making Friends and Socializing Like many people around the world, I was robbed of a full year of networking and socializing. I was robbed of the opportunity to deepen my current friendships and develop new ones. For me, socializing is one of the things I was good at. I would even go so far as to say that I was a social butterfly. However, with an entire year in isolation, I feel as though there is a bigger disconnect between me and the people around me. I seem to be more distant, reserved, and shy. I’ve been more reluctant to meet new people and reach out to the friends I made last year. My social bubble now is so small that I can practically count the number of people I actually talk to on a daily basis with one hand. Nowadays, I can’t even have a conversation with someone on Zoom or in person without feeling a sense of unease and awkwardness. When someone starts a conversation with me, I find myself devising ways to end the interaction as soon as possible. It’s not that I dislike people or don’t want to make new friends. Rather, I just forgot how to interact with others in the most human way possible. One of my main objectives after the pandemic is to rediscover my inner social butterfly. I know that it’s not going to be easy to get back to my old ways, but all I need is a slight push. Conclusion When things get back to normal, whatever that may look like for you, know that everyone around you will be just as discombobulated as you. We were isolated from the world together, and now we must rediscover the world together. Once we all have taken our first steps towards “normalcy”, I hope that we could express to each other a new type of kindness and grace. How do we do this? We do this by acknowledging our traumas, remembering what we all went through, sharing our stories, and catching up with those who have yet to hear back from us. Let others know that we are all in this path to recovery together. Better days are ahead. It is all a matter of time and willingness to exhibit kindness. Happy Writing! -James
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January 2024
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